The following paragraph is the concluding one in a book where a Grandfather is describing his Grandson’s perseverence in overcoming his difficulties in becoming proficient in a cherished Family activity. The lesson offered is invaluable to all of us, but especially so to the development of our Children.
“This is the greatest lesson a child can learn. It is the greatest lesson anyone can learn. It has been the greatest lesson I have learned: if you persevere, stick with it, work at it, you have a real opportunity to achieve something. Sure, there will be storms along the way. And you might not reach your goal right away. But if you do your best and keep a true compass, you’ll get there.”
The book is “True Compass”, the memoir by the now deceased Senator Edward M. Kennedy. It is interesting to note that in all that happened in this public figure’s life and all the well known people he knew, his final two pages concerning his life were about his Son and Grandson.
Thanks for sharing your time with me—till next time, stay “Zykis Safe.”
I am guilty. I am so guilty. I am so guilty of doing the exact opposite of what I expect from my children sometimes. My favorite is when I catch myself yelling from upstairs to my kids downstairs, “Stop that yelling!” Another favorite is when I am constantly telling them to chew with their mouths closed while I am quite possibly the most obnoxious gum-chewer around. Or another one is telling them that they need to eat properly while I am also avoiding the broccoli. How can we raise great, super children while being so imperfect ourselves?
Model the behavior that you expect. Demonstrating the proper behavior at all times would be ideal but probably impossible. I will watch my child overreact to something like spilled milk or a missed assignment and I will cringe realizing that the behavior was learned and basically duplicated from what they have seen me do. Long ago, when the baseball player, Steve Garvey was known as “Mr. Clean,” Steve made a remark about how he tried to behave well at all times by pretending that there was a child walking behind him; this would help keep himself in line. This is generally good advice; if you know that you are being watched at all times you generally will behave better. When we were in Hawaii a few years ago, we were very excited to visit the lava fields. I told each of our children that they can take a piece of lava home with them as a souvenir. Just as we were leaving, we saw the sign stating that it was illegal to take any of the natural resources. I was so tempted to allow them still to take the lava but I made them put the pieces back. My oldest said, “Mom, no one will know if we take it.” My response to her was, “that is when your true character comes through…doing what is right even when no one is looking.” Our children are watching us all of the time whether we like or not.
Change your habits. I am in the process of changing my organizational habits because I can see that my kids are not picking up my husband’s good habits of an organized room but my bad habit of a disheveled room. Shocking! I want them to pick up all of their clothes on a nightly basis and make their beds on a daily basis. I have not enforced this endeavor since I myself do not demonstrate this behavior. I generally do not make many threats to my children since I know that you must follow-up with consequences. I cannot expect one thing while doing another. My grandpa smoked cigarettes for years and would constantly tell me that he would spank me if he ever caught me smoking. I remember being in his little Mazda with the windows opened just a crack, the car filled with smoke, as he was telling me how bad smoking was. It was a classic “Do what I say and not as I do” moment. Lucky for him, I never did smoke. Most likely the fact that my parents detested smoking, would make us change immediately when we got home from my grandparents’ house and take a shower to get rid of the cigarette smell, helped steer me not to ever try smoking.
Acknowledge your mistakes. We are only human and we will make mistakes. Sometimes the best that we can do is acknowledging our wrongdoings, apologize, and do better next time. My favorite book that I read to my children is Harriet You Drive Me Wild! I love this book because it exemplifies that sometimes we parents can be pushed to our limits, overreact for a moment, but can apologize when calm and ask for forgiveness. At the same time, discipline our children on what is proper behavior. Our children need to know that we are there for them when they will overreact, or make mistakes, or make wrong choices. Success generally only comes after failure. How can we learn if we never make mistakes? Also we need to make sure that their wrong choices have consequences that fit the wrongdoing. I never realized how much “tough love” is involved with good parenting until, of course, I became a parent.
Constant communication is a huge theme that runs within our family. We value talking, discussing, and even arguing when necessary. Hopefully our ‘little monkeys’ are seeing more “right” in what we are doing than “wrong.”
December offers a myriad of events and complexities in our lives. It is a chocked full month. It is a time of year that also offers us some of life’s most rewarding opportunities and possibilities. The experiences we give and receive are usually a direct result of our ability to keep it simple and stay in balance. December is such an awesome time to attain your proper perspective and practice Being In The Moment!
As you develop your own philosophy of life that guides you through your days and that you share with your Family and Friends, here is a major portion of my formula that I would like to share with you. First, wake up Grateful(to be alive, be who you are, and have what you have)! Second, be Open(all is possible, each new day can be a better day and you can be a better person)! Third, Eckhart Tolle suggests in his writings that there are three modalities that you must possess to Be In The Moment. They are Acceptance(complete and total), Enjoyment, and Enthusiasm(literally meaning- thanking God for life). He further suggests that all else is Ego(to be eliminated). In addition, Eckhart advises that you vacate JAR(a short abbreviation a friend of mine created), which represents being judgemental, being attached, and being resistant. Fourth, and finally, we return to the beginning of our day when we first wake up, and after being Grateful and Open, we can reflect on the following thought from the Tao Te Ching by Lao-tzu — “Remind yourself daily that there is no way to happiness; rather, Happiness is the Way!”
Hoping all of you are In The Moment — In Your Moments of Your Life! Wishing all of you the Healthiest and Happiest of Holidays!
Thanks for sharing your time with me — till next time, stay “ZYKIS SAFE!”
The older I get (a fortunate circumstance in itself) the more it seems I reflect on my philosophy of life. Even though I have never lacked for confidence in this journey we call life, I have come to share the following thoughts with my Family, Friends, and acquaintances (including you today). The two things I have learned the most in my years of living is, first, how much I do not know and, second (probably the most enlightening), is how much I can’t explain! The first has only served to increase my thirst for more knowledge and experiences. The second has consistently developed and increased my Faith!
This subject of Faith leads us directly to the subjects of God, Religion, beliefs (or lack there of), theories, and an almost endless array of concepts. This Faith aspect of the human experience has such a prominent effect on our lives and that of our Families. It permeates all of our attitudes and forms the philosophical base I referred to earlier in this writing.
As Thanksgiving (our purely American Holiday) approaches, it will quickly be followed by assorted Religious Holidays that fill our lives with great joy, but in some cases, anxiety and sadness. These Holidays enable us to share celebration and Love with each other. They also present us an opportunity to engage each other in thought and conversation, while we search for greater meaning to our lives together.
We are aware, no matter what our beliefs, that the best of life begins with being grateful! In our Family, God is present. Due to our diversified ecumenical nature in our Family, there are some nuanced differentiations, but God is our Faith. I have personally come to believe that whatever works (while not hurting other people) to move you forward through this journey of life is a good thing. In order for people to respect who and what you are, you need to respect who and what they are.
As we (my Family and I) wish you a Happy Thanksgiving and Happy Holidays to follow, leading you all to the very best New Year — we would like to invite you and your Family to share with us your thoughts and comments on this fascinating subject. We will be looking forward to hearing from you. May you and yours be blessed!
Thanks for sharing your time with me — till the next time, stay “ZYKIS SAFE!”
For many of us who are fortunate enough to have children of our own, parenting (raising our children) is and will be the most important thing we accomplish in our lives. Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis when asked what her greatest achievement was, without a moments hesitation, replied—“raising my children, Caroline and John Jr.”
As we begin our relationship together through this inspiring concept known as ZYKIS, I offer you the following thoughts about children and parenting that have become favorites of mine and meaningful to me in my life. As we endeavor to ensure our kids safety, we must also endeavor to make them free!
Tim Russert’s (former “Meet The Press” Host) Son, Luke, at his Dad’s Funeral repeated one of his Father’s favorite quotes that his Dad had lived by—“You can’t command your children to do anything. You can only live a beautiful life and hope that through your example they will learn to love what you love.”
Through the years one hopes to gain Wisdom—manifested in “ Serenity to accept the things we cannot change, Courage to change the things we can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.” Wisdom will also teach you that Leadership (Parenting) is nothing more than Influence. Influence is like most qualities in life—you either enhance or diminish it. You reap what you sow! Kahil Gibran wrote to this context in his piece about Children in his famous work,” The Prophet.”
“And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of Children.
And he said:
Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness; For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so he loves the bow that is stable.”
Thanks for sharing your time with me—till next time, stay “ZYKIS SAFE!”
