The following paragraph is the concluding one in a book where a Grandfather is describing his Grandson’s perseverence in overcoming his difficulties in becoming proficient in a cherished Family activity. The lesson offered is invaluable to all of us, but especially so to the development of our Children.
“This is the greatest lesson a child can learn. It is the greatest lesson anyone can learn. It has been the greatest lesson I have learned: if you persevere, stick with it, work at it, you have a real opportunity to achieve something. Sure, there will be storms along the way. And you might not reach your goal right away. But if you do your best and keep a true compass, you’ll get there.”
The book is “True Compass”, the memoir by the now deceased Senator Edward M. Kennedy. It is interesting to note that in all that happened in this public figure’s life and all the well known people he knew, his final two pages concerning his life were about his Son and Grandson.
Thanks for sharing your time with me—till next time, stay “Zykis Safe.”
I am guilty. I am so guilty. I am so guilty of doing the exact opposite of what I expect from my children sometimes. My favorite is when I catch myself yelling from upstairs to my kids downstairs, “Stop that yelling!” Another favorite is when I am constantly telling them to chew with their mouths closed while I am quite possibly the most obnoxious gum-chewer around. Or another one is telling them that they need to eat properly while I am also avoiding the broccoli. How can we raise great, super children while being so imperfect ourselves?
Model the behavior that you expect. Demonstrating the proper behavior at all times would be ideal but probably impossible. I will watch my child overreact to something like spilled milk or a missed assignment and I will cringe realizing that the behavior was learned and basically duplicated from what they have seen me do. Long ago, when the baseball player, Steve Garvey was known as “Mr. Clean,” Steve made a remark about how he tried to behave well at all times by pretending that there was a child walking behind him; this would help keep himself in line. This is generally good advice; if you know that you are being watched at all times you generally will behave better. When we were in Hawaii a few years ago, we were very excited to visit the lava fields. I told each of our children that they can take a piece of lava home with them as a souvenir. Just as we were leaving, we saw the sign stating that it was illegal to take any of the natural resources. I was so tempted to allow them still to take the lava but I made them put the pieces back. My oldest said, “Mom, no one will know if we take it.” My response to her was, “that is when your true character comes through…doing what is right even when no one is looking.” Our children are watching us all of the time whether we like or not.
Change your habits. I am in the process of changing my organizational habits because I can see that my kids are not picking up my husband’s good habits of an organized room but my bad habit of a disheveled room. Shocking! I want them to pick up all of their clothes on a nightly basis and make their beds on a daily basis. I have not enforced this endeavor since I myself do not demonstrate this behavior. I generally do not make many threats to my children since I know that you must follow-up with consequences. I cannot expect one thing while doing another. My grandpa smoked cigarettes for years and would constantly tell me that he would spank me if he ever caught me smoking. I remember being in his little Mazda with the windows opened just a crack, the car filled with smoke, as he was telling me how bad smoking was. It was a classic “Do what I say and not as I do” moment. Lucky for him, I never did smoke. Most likely the fact that my parents detested smoking, would make us change immediately when we got home from my grandparents’ house and take a shower to get rid of the cigarette smell, helped steer me not to ever try smoking.
Acknowledge your mistakes. We are only human and we will make mistakes. Sometimes the best that we can do is acknowledging our wrongdoings, apologize, and do better next time. My favorite book that I read to my children is Harriet You Drive Me Wild! I love this book because it exemplifies that sometimes we parents can be pushed to our limits, overreact for a moment, but can apologize when calm and ask for forgiveness. At the same time, discipline our children on what is proper behavior. Our children need to know that we are there for them when they will overreact, or make mistakes, or make wrong choices. Success generally only comes after failure. How can we learn if we never make mistakes? Also we need to make sure that their wrong choices have consequences that fit the wrongdoing. I never realized how much “tough love” is involved with good parenting until, of course, I became a parent.
Constant communication is a huge theme that runs within our family. We value talking, discussing, and even arguing when necessary. Hopefully our ‘little monkeys’ are seeing more “right” in what we are doing than “wrong.”
Well, it’s here: 2011. Can you believe it. I am super-busy in January as my clients are looking for the edge on making certain that 2011 is more productive than 2010. Do you have a plan?
Here is my 5-Step plan for making 2011 your best year ever:
December offers a myriad of events and complexities in our lives. It is a chocked full month. It is a time of year that also offers us some of life’s most rewarding opportunities and possibilities. The experiences we give and receive are usually a direct result of our ability to keep it simple and stay in balance. December is such an awesome time to attain your proper perspective and practice Being In The Moment!
As you develop your own philosophy of life that guides you through your days and that you share with your Family and Friends, here is a major portion of my formula that I would like to share with you. First, wake up Grateful(to be alive, be who you are, and have what you have)! Second, be Open(all is possible, each new day can be a better day and you can be a better person)! Third, Eckhart Tolle suggests in his writings that there are three modalities that you must possess to Be In The Moment. They are Acceptance(complete and total), Enjoyment, and Enthusiasm(literally meaning- thanking God for life). He further suggests that all else is Ego(to be eliminated). In addition, Eckhart advises that you vacate JAR(a short abbreviation a friend of mine created), which represents being judgemental, being attached, and being resistant. Fourth, and finally, we return to the beginning of our day when we first wake up, and after being Grateful and Open, we can reflect on the following thought from the Tao Te Ching by Lao-tzu — “Remind yourself daily that there is no way to happiness; rather, Happiness is the Way!”
Hoping all of you are In The Moment — In Your Moments of Your Life! Wishing all of you the Healthiest and Happiest of Holidays!
Thanks for sharing your time with me — till next time, stay “ZYKIS SAFE!”
Segment 3 of 4 from Dan Lier‘s episode Raising Champions from this TV show YOUR TRUE POTENTIAL. America’s Coach Dan Lier shares his views on discipline and nutrition in the home.
Childhood Obesity Statistics
In 2004, there was a research report written about a study that lasted from 1999 to 2002 entitled “Prevalence of overweight and obesity among children and adolescents: United States” conducted by the CDC. According to that report “16 % children (over 9 million) 6-19 year olds are overweight or obese” this is three times what it was in 1980. In addition, this report brings out the fact that also during this same time period an additional 15% were “at risk of becoming overweight”.
Not only has this number tripled, but in the past three decades (according to this same study) obesity has “more than doubled” in both children and adolescents from ages 2-5 and also ages 12-19 while more than tripling in children between the ages of 6-11.
Not only is it what we have been feeding our kids and what they have demanded at times, but it is also the lack of exercise, not only in the schools, but also after school at home. You know the scenario, you’re sitting with your friend when her kids come home and they begin to fight over it. They are yelling and screaming, demanding that it is their turn to use whatever mechanical device may have just rolled off the shelves at the nearest store. These devices range from DVD players, to video games, to the latest video or other fantastic toy that has become number one on the ratings list.
We ourselves are at fault for what is happening to our children. Some of them are too young to even know better, so it is up to us to watch what our children are eating and how much exercise they are getting.
It is somewhat ironic that on “Black Friday” I am writing about a “black subject” that is haunting for all responsible, caring and loving Parents. There seems to be a growing number of demented and despicable people that want to harm Children. It is impossible to fathom how a human being can possess the capacity to [...]
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The older I get (a fortunate circumstance in itself) the more it seems I reflect on my philosophy of life. Even though I have never lacked for confidence in this journey we call life, I have come to share the following thoughts with my Family, Friends, and acquaintances (including you today). The two things I [...]
As Thanksgiving approaches I am reminded not only of a wonderful day that will be spent with family and friends, but also of “Black Friday” and the holiday shopping season that follows. I get stressed as I think of bustling through the malls and big box stores with my wife and three children trying to [...]
We are coming to the end of another packed sports weekend. They are so much fun, filled with so much excitement, whether they be our Children’s games in Leagues and Schools, College, or Pro. There is nothing quite like “Game Day.” Sports reflects such a great deal of life — “The thrill of victory and the [...]
